Hell No, H2O
March 28th, 2005 by bec(ed. note – The following is the first of what I hope will be many guest bloggers. Everyone say hello to Bec)
Today is my birthday, and even though it’s the first birthday that’s made me feel old, birthdays still inspire a childlike spirit of make-believe in me. This week, I’ll pretend that food dipped in frosting counts as dinner, and my friends will pretend that jokes like “my 24th annual birthday celebration” are still funny.
Unfortunately, this year I got one of my presents early: a nasty case of seasonal allergies thanks to a combination of spring in the Philadelphia area and an office with dust bunnies so fierce they regularly beat me up and take my lunch money. With a crushing headache and congestion that made me sound like a Long Island teenager, I regretfully decided that drinking at my birthday party had to be kept to a minimum.
When I hear “birthday,” I think “cake, presents, and more cake!” But when my friends hear “birthday,” they think “excuse to get drunk” and “birthday shots!” (Particularly in the case of one friend – let’s call him J. Skaroff – no, wait – Josh S.) Now, I like shots as much as the next girl with no tolerance, a leg cast, and a spiral staircase leading up to her bedroom, but I knew it would be a painful way to ring in another year. So I devised a plan.
“I have a genius, fail-proof plan!” I told my long-suffering boyfriend. “I’ll pretend to take the shot, then spit it out into the beer I ‘chase’ with, like the girls explain in Coyote Ugly!” My long-suffering boyfriend turned and gave me a look that said, “there was dialogue in Coyote Ugly?”
