Believe it or not, one of my favorite television shows, besides Arrested Development, is Pat Robertson’s The 700 Club. Why you ask? Because it’s freakin’ hysterical!! A few key quotes from the man who is so damn funny, he doesn’t even know it.
“(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”
“NOW is saying that in order to be a woman, you’ve got to be a lesbian. ”
On the separation of church and state:
“That was never in the Constitution, however much the liberals laugh at me for saying it, they know good and well it was never in the Constitution! Such language only appeared in the constitution of the Communist Soviet Union.”
On those horribly oppressed Christian Americans:
“It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.”
On those same Christian Americans of a different denomination:
“You say you’re supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense, I don’t have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don’t have to be nice to them.”
And yesterday on ‘Intelligent Design’:
â€œIâ€™d like to say to the good citizens of Dover. If there is a disaster in your area, donâ€™t turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And donâ€™t wonder why He hasnâ€™t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. Iâ€™m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if thatâ€™s the case, donâ€™t ask for His help because he might not be there.â€?
Oh man, I’m wiping the tears away. He’s like Steven Wright but BETTER!